I said Lanolin, Motherfucker, not this aloevera bullshit!

It's June or July, and I am shotgun in Bro's 74 Super Beetle.
The thing is running up the 134 on a bombing run to Fry's electronics.
I say bombing run because that is what I can imagine it was like for my Grandfather riding in the belly of a B-17 over Germany; Loud and things are rattling, you can feel the engine as it burns the fuel. All very rough edged and primitive.
The very core of cool!
So we make our way through the swarms of suicide bombers in Glendale and emerge alive and well in Burbank.
The Burbank airport is going through changes right now, we get to see the steel bones of a building that was once a factory that made p-51's and Hell Cats.
The only other thing standing in the factory is this great big blue/green press. The thing has got to be at least three stories high. In the end it was taken out by T.N.T., or Cemtex. Too big and bad to go down by a wrecking ball. Bad ass piece of equipment, the end of an era.
So we get to Fry's, and park.
Fry's on the weekend is a madhouse, I know in other states it has a grocery store and blah blah blah, but the Burbank store is an icon. So fuck you!
This place was itself a factory that cranked out fighters in the 40's to beat the crap out of the Jap's and Krauts. Now it is something from a 1950's sci fi movie.
The outside has a huge flying saucer crashing into it.
The inside is just as cool. Giant Ants for the movie "Them" are over in the appliance section.
"Gort" The big silver robot from "the Day The Earth Stood Still" stands, blond in his arms at the beginning of the Television section.
I could go on about the aliens and planes but I would rather you check it out for your self if you can.
I may take pictures to post sometime, if the staff let me.
ANYWAY... Bro and I are looking for bad movies and as we are walking up one of the isles "It" happens.
We have all had one of those moments when all the planets are in alignment and freaky shit happens.

So here we are, I am walking up this aisle, Bro is a step behind me. There are people behind and in front of us, and I see it.

Now let me be clear: I JUST SAID "IT"!

Walking towards me is a couple.

A couple of queers, one looks like a normal queer, the other looks like the Woman skin dress making killer from "Silence of the Lambs".

Only these two fucks are well over six feet tall, and at least 200 pounds.

They look like they are weight lifters or something, and that just highlights the absurdity of the tranny dudes appearence.

Now let me set the tone, if you met me and Bro on the street this day you would think you were looking at a 180 pound skinhead and a even taller redneck.

So as I am walking towards the deviants I am thinking who would win the fight, The Springer guests, or the rejects from Fight Club.
Now our closing distance is about six (YES 6) feet and something horrifying happens.
I hear this voice behind me, In a perfect imitation of Buffalo Bill call out; It Puts The Lotion On The Skin!
I Mean HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
Bro has to cut loose just as I get into striking range of Bill!
I am trying not to laugh, but when I hear other people around us start laughing I lose it.
I am laughing and on the inside I am playing out the ways this is going to turn ugly.
Bill is going to fucking run a fist out the back of my head and eat my brains!
I can see him respond, I keep walking and pray for some sort of Divine intervention.
People on both sides of the aisle are laughing and looking at Bill and his boyfriend.
I think that this could be the reason I still have all my teeth, and Bro didn't get his asshole turned into a cockring, too many witnesses around.
Still even today this is one of the funniest moments of my life.
Thanks to Bro and his sharp wit, and total lack of self preservation.